reckless emotions + fiery phoenix

Splashes of creativity just surge to my head every once in a while, and by creativity I mean motivation to do something. These surges usually occur during certain events. For example, once I get over PMS (Pre-Magazine Syndrome), which is when I freak out because my magazines haven't arrived in the mail. I actually have meltdowns while waiting for my mailman to deliver my babies. It's become a really big problem actually, because I now really have a love/hate relationship with the USPS; which is why the day is blessed when I come home to find shiny new magazines for me to read and look at.

This summer I saw some pictures of dip-dyed shirts. I don't really recall which exact picture I saw, but I believe it was one being done by somebody who worked at Calvin Klein. It was a set of pictures that showed the process of someone dip-dying a shirt. That picture really inspired me to do my own shirt. The process was a hassle the first time around. It was my first time actually dying something by myself (and where I actually cared what it was going to look like). Long story short, I got red on the part that I wanted to remain white. I gave up for about a week, and then decided to bleach the white part. That was another mess because then I got bleach on the red part and it was horrible. The red turned yellowish and it just was a mess. Round 3, I bought more dye and was careful and I was quite happy with my results. 

 I was really fascinated by the way the dye swirled into the hot water. It reminded me of Jupiter's red spot. It also made me feel like I was a witch preparing for a spell. I really was though, I was going to turn an unwanted Goodwill shirt into a beautiful addition to my closet. Magic in the making, recycling and making wonders. Eat you hearts out people.

This is the part where the mistakes are usually made.

However this time as you can see, no mistakes were made whatsoever. I loved the way the sun shined through it and made it seem like it was on fire. The red was so beautiful while it was red, it ended up being lighter once it dried but I wasn't complaining since I was overall happy with the outcome. I mean after three times, it was really like they say "third times the charm". You can really see the details of the shirt here, I love the embroidery and the pattern it makes. 

My whole idea for this shoot and the outfit was inspired by Natalia Kills' song "Kill My Boyfriend". The idea was that this was the result of a murder's shirt after committing the murder. In Natalia's song she shows this double-sided opinion on her boyfriend. The sound combined with the lyrics makes the song full of irony. So when shooting this I wanted to make it ironic also. This sick minded idea of murder, combined with my mother's garden which is full of life. It complemented the song and my ideas.

 Shirt is thrifted, Cotton On pants were cut into the shorts, shoes (pictured in the other picture) are thrifted

I’ve been thinking about emotions a lot lately. Lately I feel happy, not giddy happy, but just you know content. Things have been going okay, not the best, but not the worst. I’ve been really busy with school to actually pay attention to my emotions. Sometimes however, I catch myself singing slow songs and just craving listening to slow sad songs. I never listen to slow songs unless I am actually sad, so this really confuses me.

 One day while listening to Amy Winehouse I came to a conclusion. I think it’s the fact that lately hasn’t been very emotional time in my life, that I crave an extreme emotion. I crave the idea of getting my heart broken, the idea of feeling depressed; on the other hand I also crave being so happy that I feel unstoppable. Have I lost my emotions? Will I go on through life craving an extreme emotion, but never get it? What if an opportunity comes up to be extreme, but I don’t notice it?

I just wish the shirt wouldn't fray, since I cut the sleeves. It pisses me off, but it will have to do for now. I really need to learn how to avoid that because I like sleeveless shirts, and I make most of mine. I think it would be best if I learned how to sew. What I love most about this shirt (besides the embroidery) is the collar. I love the shape so much. My mission was complete however when I wore this to school and was asked: "What's up with your shirt?". I just smiled and responded: "I killed someone and couldn't get the stains off".

Saskia de Brauw - Just because she is my inspiration to always look mad in pictures.

Stella Tennant // Vogue Italia September 2011 

Karlie Kloss in "Go East!" // Vogue September 2011 

I think that without the emotions that we go through everyday we wouldn't be the humans we are today. No matter how silly an emotion might sound, it is still powerful. Emotions define our humanity. No matter if your emotions are because of magazines or a heartbreak, they have the power to rebuild you and make you stronger.